You know that moment when you come face to face with the crazy in your world and have to decide whether to lean full into it or figure out how to accept or change it? That moment struck me hard and fierce this morning. I woke up sad, and angry, and scared. I’ve been fighting those feelings most of February for a host of reasons. I’ve tried squashing them, ignoring them, and denying them. None of those strategies have been in the least bit successful. So this morning I started just to let them out. Out of sheer desperation, (why does it have to come to that), I opened my devotional.
The first line: “Never become extremely upset over your circumstances.”
Me: Shut Up!! Are you kidding me?
It goes on: “’Do not fret.’ Never get unduly upset! Stay cool! Even for a good reason, worrying will not help you.”
Me: For the love!! Fine!! Slap me with truth. Geez!!
At this point, it was exceedingly clear that I needed to finish. The words were piercing my heart and soul. Honestly, it was a little frustrating. I have some blasted good reasons for being upset. The truth of the words, however, is real. Never once has worry solved a problem. Worry hurts me and produces no positive change. Rationally thinking through the issues so as to arrive at a workable solution – that might work. Sharing my thoughts and ideas on the subject with those who might be able to effect some change – that might work. Accepting that sometimes, “it just is what it is” and determining what I can do in spite of it – that might work. Repeatedly fretting over situations that I cannot change – never going to work.
So, I slowed down. Took a deep breath. And read the rest.
Dear Restless Heart
“Dear restless heart, be still; don’t fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.
Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God’s own
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love, and calmly wait awhile.
Dear restless heart, be brave; don’t moan and sorrow so,
He has a meaning kin in chilly winds that blows;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.
Dear restless heart, recline upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power,
Dear restless heart, be still! Don’t struggle to be free;
God’s life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see.”
Edith Willis Linn
I am continuing to allow those words to soak in and change the frantic pace of my heart. I am tossing them about and trying to really grasp the truth contained in them. There are times when just going full tilt into crazy seems like the best choice. Wallowing in self-pity, and anger, and frustration appears to be easier. Initially, it might well be easier. It would not. however, remain easy. Thus, the plan has to be acceptance or change. For me, most of my crazy is out of my control. What I can control, is my reaction. So, for today at least, I am choosing to be still and rest in Him. God is bigger and He's got this.